Does a double negative make a positive? It does in math!

The past few years have been insanely rough.  The one constant has been my wife.  A positive influence, a huge supporter, and, well, she's awesome! (I promise it's me, Jonny, not my wife, writing this)

I have been going through a lot of changes.  Employment, places we lived, and figuring myself out. I figured out one of my struggles was not feeling like I could be myself around people out here.  I would watch cartoons and read comics behind closed doors.  I didn't get to talk much with anyone because I worried about being made fun of.  Steph had a hard time trying to be accepting but she had her own interests, which I hypocritically would make fun of.  She's a hippie, how can I not make fun of that?

I will say my record stands of never being unemployed for more than two weeks, ever.  I lost my job at Sharma-Crawford (immigration law firm), Kiewit (a construction company), quit Shook Hardy & Bacon, and quit Devkota Law Firm.  I had stayed employed with the Dream Works.  I don't know how, or why, but in attempts to quit, or get fired, they begged me to come back.  In all honesty, it is a good company, and they are doing their best to support people with disabilities, special needs, and the elderly.

And as for where we have been living, I struggle because nothing has seemed permanent.  I want to buy a house because I can do what I want with it.  I love to build, destroy, and build again.  I have sketches and plans of the perfect man cave.  A man cave so epic, it will be spoken of in legend hundreds of years from now. Until then, it's hard to call any house a home.

But the two struggles I really had were my identity and my employment.

First, my identity is something that had, many times since being married, been put into question.  Not from my wife, or anyone else I have come to know, since being married.  But from myself.  As a husband, can I go out and spend hours at a comic book store? Or go to midnight premiers of movies? Or have alone time?

It wasn't noticeable at first.  I loved spending time with my wife.  We went to the movies together, we watched shows together, we went to parties and game nights(old people card games...), and we had fun.  But almost a year into it, I found myself wanting to have my own time, to watch my shows, read my books, or just relax alone.  It was scary at first cause I thought I was losing touch with the marriage I signed up for.  But the universe was looking out for me.  That same summer, movies like Thor, X-Men First Class, Captain America, Transformers 3, and others, were released.  I found myself conversing with people about these movies, about others coming out the following year, what different things in each movie meant, etc.  I suddenly found myself not worrying about who I am or what I liked anymore.  Even my wife had the patience one day to listen to me explain the backgrounds of each character of the Avengers.

I became an open nerd.  It was glorious! I make no comparison to what it must be like for someone with a different internal struggle to come out into the open about it and not sure how people will take it.  But I could be myself.  I stopped worrying about how others felt.  I realized I was really happy.  Like a giddy happy that doesn't go away because this is a passion I get to enjoy and be a part of in all aspects of my life.  It has also opened up my mind a lot more.  Not as much as the effects my death still have on me, but it was significant.

I have been a Superman fan.  I have thousands of comics and took great efforts to collect them.  Many are rare and valuable and are somewhat hidden gems because they show things about Superman that few people know.  There are a lot of amazing lessons to be learned from these fictional characters. Which leads into the second struggle.

Employment.  Who isn't struggling? Whether it is struggling with the job you have or the job you are looking for, we all struggle.  Losing a job takes a toll on even the most confident man.  Doubts sink in so deep, and it affects any future job.  Being treated poorly at a job will affect how you look at any future job you have should you be fortunate enough to escape the abusive job.  Loving a job and losing it hurts.

I thankfully chose to leave Shook and Devkota law firms.  One was full of rumor spreading and politics.  The other was unorganized, not being handled like a business, and very unstable.  It was hard and scary leaving these jobs because I didn't have a backup plan.

I got a call from a temp agency.  I am not a fan because working as a temp, you are treated differently.  You aren't a part of the team.  You have to fight harder than the rest to even be considered an existing component.  But we scheduled an interview.  I met with the temp agency first.  The lady interviewing me was bubbly and energetic, but she had a look that told me she meant business and would break me down to my core to find out if who I am is worth what they are paying.

I got a second interview.  Normal interviews are very cut throat, competitive, straight forward.  Normal interview questions are mind games and we all hate them.  We lose sleep trying to figure out how to answer them in a way that will make us stick out better than the hundreds of others competing for the same job.

This interview was different.  It was special.  One I will never forget.  One I will hold dear to my heart.  It started out serious.  Normal series of painful questions.  But something happened.  At first it was a smirk to one of my answers.  Then it grew into talking about a dance off to show who was a bigger nerd in the office. All of a sudden I felt like I had come home.  I met the supervising attorney, the team lead, the manager, and the HR manager.  All of them have personality, spark, and their own nerdiness and geekiness.  It was unbelievable how fun the interview was.  It barely qualifies as an interview as much as it was a round table of laughter, discussing the finer points of superheroes, etc.  I still doubted if I was going to be hired or not, but I knew I had the best time during that hour with them.  I wanted it to happen again.

A few days later I got the call and was hired as a temp.  Never had a temp job gone by so fast.  Before I knew it, I was a full-time employee with the company.  I had been given a different position, not a move up, but a lateral move which at this time, in my opinion, was the a great step towards the possibility of moving up.  I love this job.  I love showing up early and leaving late so that I can spend more time with the people there.

I was recently nominated as Employee of The Quarter.  I haven't been there a year.  It amazes me.  During team meetings, I have some of the best stats.  I keep asking for more work.  They are an influence in my life that I can't really explain well.  My desk is literally a mini Man Cave.  I have Superman and other nerdy stuff hanging up around my desk.  During the week of the premiere of Man of Steel, they showed me support and were excited more for me than the movie itself.  I got to dress up as Superman the day of the pre-screening and showed off my cape.  The look on their faces was a memory I will cherish and hold onto.  I felt like I could really fly.

Above all, and what has made my journey worth it, through all the struggles, is finding out I am going to be a father.  It's a girl! I think about what I will do with my daughter and how much I will do my best to support my wife and help her during the pregnancy and when our little girl is born.  We fight over names and parenting techniques, but this girl is going to be the first to represent what my wife and I are together.  I don't even know her name and I love her.  I don't know what she will look like, and I love her.  I don't know what life she will lead, and I love her.  I do know she will be with parents who will do our bests for her, even when we are still figuring out what we are doing.

There are so many stories to tell, and more details that had to be left out so you wouldn't get bored and stop reading.  But I will do my best to find the opportunity to tell them.  But for now, the math has been in my favor, as much as I didn't like the negatives that got me here.